Past Endeavors
by Guard24
Summary: After the events of 4x16, Killian tells Emma what happened with Ariel during the missing year.


_A/N: I got a prompt in my inbox for "I thought we'd moved past this" on Tumblr at the same time that I was doing a season 3 rewatch and this is what happened. Shout out to the sis for her help, I don't know where I would be without my brain twin._

She sat curled up in his lap, still recoiling from the emotional high of believing - if only for minute - that he had died at the hands, or tentacles rather, of Ursula's revenge. That she may have lost him. And the thought makes her want to hold him tighter, live in the moment of bliss that followed his newest declaration of love for her. _Don't you know, Emma? It's you._ She had almost said it then, when she pulled away to where their foreheads still touched, cupping his face in her hands. But the words were caught in the back of her throat, so she kissed him again, harder, nails digging into the leather of his jacket, pulling him into her, determined to _show_ him.

"Love, when Ariel came to my aid today, I was reminded of my past endeavors with-"

"I thought we moved past this." she said, his voice drawing her out of the fog from a few hours prior. "Whatever happened in the past is just that, the past. It's not who you are anymore." _I love who you are_ , she thinks, even if she's not ready to say it yet.

Killian ran his fingers through her hair, contemplating his next words. "I lied to you, Swan." Her head turns to him, eyes speculative, curious, telling him to go on. "During the missing year, I met Ariel and promised to help her retrieve her Prince. She believed I was holding him captive, but the truth was that Blackbeard had stolen my ship." Emma traced the crinkle of his forehead with her thumb, his face awash with regret and fear. "Blackbeard made a deal. The Jolly for the location of her prince. Or I could make him walk the plank. I chose the latter."

"Killian, look at me." His eyes darted downward, eyebrows furrowed in at the creases deepening on his forehead. "We've all done things we're ashamed of, that we regret. Myself included. Ariel is not upset with you and neither am I. You freed her and she saved you." Her hand slides over the bruises that encompass his ribcage. "It's not gonna change how I feel about you."

She hears him hum in response as she lays her head back down. Nestling herself further into his embrace, it's warm and comforting and _everything_. Emma sighs contently, winding her arm around his waist as he places a kiss to her temple and she can't help but think of what might have happened if he hadn't come to her rescue in New York. Been relentless in his pursuit for her, would they be here now if even a single detail changed? If he hadn't given up everything for her? Changed who he was to be who he is now? If he hadn't -

Emma suddenly stops, her breathe caught in her throat as the realization hits her startlingly fast. _He traded his ship for her._ Killian traded the Jolly Roger for a magic bean, which wouldn't have been possible if he hadn't gone through the struggle of getting it from Blackbeard in the first place. He went through all of that, only to give it up without a second a thought - for her.

 _It was all for her._

"Swan?" She can hear the worry dripping off his tongue, feel how tense he is beneath her. "Are you alright love? You seemed far away for a minute there?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I just…" Emma sits up, tucking her legs underneath her as she stares at him. "You traded The Jolly Roger for a magic bean."

"Aye, I did. What of it?"

"Who did you trade it to?"

"It doesn't matter, Love. Let's just get some rest, yeah?"

"No, Killian," She stops him, grabbing his hand to keep him from snuffing out the lantern on the shelf. Emma pulls him back, forcing him to look at her. "You traded your ship for me? Who did you give it to?"

"Emma why is this suddenly so important?"

"Because you - you went through all of that crap to get it back and then you trade it for a chance at finding me. Why would you do that?"

"You know why, Swan."

"I really mean more to you than-"

"A few planks of wood and a sail? Aye, Love." He places another kiss to the side of her head, a silent plea to drop the subject. She knows it's much more than that, that his ship is the last remnant of his past, of his family and Milah, carrying around centuries of memories upon its sails. It's his home. But she can tell that he isn't ready to reveal all the secrets of his history. So she yields in her query, decides instead to settle back to her previous position on his chest. Twisting her fingers around the chain of his necklace as he winds his fingers through her hair and down her spine. She hums contentedly in response to his touch, snatching the blanket and draping it over them. They can deal with everything in the morning. For now, she'll lie here listening to the quiet waves lapping against the ship, the sound of his breathing, and beating of his heart against her ear.


End file.
